Good job fellow gamers we are racking an average of 3 hours/day of playtime on the Switch, as GameBoy nothing makes me prouder than seeing the productivity of the Guild dropping in favor of frivolous fun.

But this article is instead dedicated to all the people that are immune to the videogames enticing attraction…

For you my dears, I scraped the last few cents from the guild wallet and bought the deadliest weapon ever created against study productivity: Card Games[citation needed] and I will present them to you in the most Gen-z medium possible: Horoscope!

Aries

For you, life is like a game of Briscola in 5: set your goal, choose your values and who to trust for the journey and then stake everything on that friendship. In this special version of Briscola that can only be played with 5 people, 2 players are against the others 3 but you will not know the teams until the end! Where you able to find your partner or did you just end up with a broken heart?

Taurus

It’s not a decent game if it doesn’t include speed, screams and a healthy dose of slaps? Merda! is for all the meatheads like you; 4 cards in the hand, every turn give one card and receive one, when you have 4 of a kind slap the table and scream MERDA! All the other will have to pile the hand on top of yours, the last one gets kilos of Merda 💩 Highly suggested to play it during the silent focus-study session at Olkkari.

Gemini

For the clever and hard thinking type like you only one game exists: Machiavelli. Get rid of all your cards while covering the table with straight and 3-4 of a kind, rearrange the combinations according to your plans. Sounds easy? Just remember to take a photo of the table before setting your super simple 11-steps plan in motion, even the bests strategist could get confused in this mind twisting game.

Cancer

You are the safe choice, the Margherita of the pitsas, the vanilla of the ice-cream, the Korvapuusti of the pulla. But be proud of that, because people love you for the safe and reliable person you are. Just like Scopa, the easy choice that everyone knows; basic math for matching the cards, a little mystery every SetteBello and the excitement of exclaiming SCOPA while swiping all the cards from the table! Be proud to be a Margherita!

Leo

You and your friend are probably a bit too attached… But hey, you do you both! I would still suggest using the skills you developed for gossiping about people telepathically also for winning in Scopone Scientifico; same rule as Scopa, but only 2 teams of 2, all cards already in the hand and most important not allowed to talk! Will you be able to coordinate with your friend, or was your bond just fluff?

Virgo

Yes, you know that reading the others like an open book is a cheap skill if not concealed behind a masterful bluff. Then show or train your skills playing Dubito! Win by discarding your cards, but you can do so only by following a strict near-impossible order, how to win? Just lie! But be careful, if your bluff is called you must start over, luckily you can always spot the sloppy lies of someone before you.

WHAT!! Only 6 signs? Half of the calendar is missing!

Yeah, sorry I am also a victim of the productivity drop, see you with the second half in the next hatch of the WappuKukka!