Greetings to the guild! We are the Water Beasts of 2023 - Viljami and Gábor. Today, we want to share with you the story of our arctic beer floating expedition.
You see, despite being Water Beasts, one of us had not participated in a beer floating event before - and hosting such an event without experience is of course very dangerous. This led to Gábor offering to teach Viljami the ways of the seven beers & seas, and he prepared a training session for us.
Of course, we could not settle for a simple beer floating voyage. After all, the famous Tero Poikamies is once again organizing "minuuttikalja" before Wappu. This grand sports event is now drawing closer, so we must train to be able to perform at our best this Spring. Therefore, we threw out the pints and instead took with us 2 shot glasses.
Unfortunately, the beer seemed to freeze in under a minute in these sub-zero temperatures. However, as Water Beasts, we know that by substituting the water content of our beverage with alcohol, we can lower the freezing point. A touch of Koskenkorva was all that was needed - our beer was drinkable, and we were ready to float!
The next problem we encountered was that the sea was not liquid but solid - like the beer, the water had frozen. Our budget was unfortunately too small for the amount of vodka needed to thaw a bathtub, much less an entire sea…
But we were not about to let a little thing like a frozen sea stop us. We decided to improvise and use the next best thing: a shopping cart. Yes, you read that right - a shopping cart. If we cannot thaw the ice, at least we can pretend that we are floating on it, right?
With our two shot glasses of beer in hand and the shopping cart as our vessel, we set off on our arctic beer floating expedition. We navigated through the frozen sea with ease, feeling like true explorers. We even named some of the icebergs we encountered along the way - there was one that looked like the tree of Athene, and another that looked like a Phabu.
As we floated along, we couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation. Here we were, two grown men in a shopping cart, drinking beer in the middle of a frozen sea. We were having so much fun that we didn't even notice the cold anymore.
Suddenly, we heard a loud cracking sound - we looked around, trying to figure out what was happening. That's when we saw it - the shopping cart was starting to break through the ice! We panicked and tried to paddle back to shore, but it was too late. The shopping cart broke through the ice completely, and we fell into the freezing water.
We quickly realized that this was not a laughing matter. We had to act fast if we wanted to make it back to shore alive. We clung to the shopping cart, using it to climb back on the ice.
Finally, after what felt like hours, we made it back on the ice and rolled away from the hole carefully. We were cold, wet, and shivering, but we were alive. We learned our lesson that day - beer floating in the Arctic is no joke! But we also learned that sometimes the most ridiculous ideas can lead to the most unforgettable adventures.
So, to all of our fellow Water Beasts out there - be safe, be smart, and most importantly, stay hydrated during the upcoming Wappu. Cheers!